


Lessons in forgiveness

by catiemo



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-09
Updated: 2013-09-09
Packaged: 2017-12-26 03:14:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/960934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catiemo/pseuds/catiemo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas pops into a library to talk to Dean.<br/>Takes place during season 3</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lessons in forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> For Tumblr User cyborg-seagull

            Dean was bored, and he was wishing, not for the first time that night, that Sam’s computer had never crashed or that Bobby had at least some lore that fit. But that was not the case, so Dean was stuck wandering the stacks while Sam used a library computer to research whatever it was they were hunting.

            It’s not that Dean didn’t want to help; he was just too antsy to sit at a computer. So Sam sent him to the folklore section to find a list of books whose call numbers took up most of the back of a bookmark.

            He was grumbling to himself as he drew the first book off the bottom shelf. “Something wrong?” The deep voice was too close and it made him jump. When he turned toward the source of the voice, his eyes met the most intense blue eyes he had ever seen.

            “I’m good. Just helping my geeky little brother.”

            “You don't like libraries?”

            “Not particularly. They’re just so…stuffy.”

            “I enjoy libraries. There’s so much knowledge held within these walls. That’s a kind of power that’s hard to describe.”

            “I can appreciate that.”

            “Have you been to this library before?” the stranger asked.

            “No, um, we’re kinda just passing through. We’ve seen our fair share of towns.”

            “You seem sad about that.” It was clearly an observation, but it pried into Dean like a question and he felt compelled to answer.

            “I’m just getting kind of tired of it, you know?” he said, sitting on the floor, the book and the list of call numbers forgotten next to him.

            The other man sat across the aisle from him. “I understand the need for change, the dissatisfaction with life. Mostly I understand the desire to find a place to belong.”

            “Wow, man; seems like we both have some issues.”

            “At least you have your brother.”

            “Yeah,” Dean rested his head against the bookshelf, “Sammy’s pretty great. I give him crap, but I love him.”

            “I’m sure you do. I’m Castiel, by the way.”

            “Dean,” he flashed the other man his brightest smile in lieu of a handshake.

            “Pleased to meet you, Dean.

            “You too, man.”

            They sat in silence for a few minutes, Dean’s mission forgotten as he enjoyed the feeling of someone other than his brother sharing a silence with him. “You’re going to be okay,” Castiel said, finally breaking the silence.

            “I’m always okay,” Dean said, slightly defensive.

            “I know,” Castiel said with a small smile that Dean thought was a little indulgent.

            “You’ll be okay too,” Dean said.

            “I am okay,” Castiel replied, “I have someone who loves me. I have a family for the first time in my life. I gave up so much for it, but it was worth it.”

            “Well, it seems like you deserve all the happiness you get.”

            “Everyone deserves happiness, Dean. It took me a while to learn that.”

            “I screwed up royal trying to prove that to Sammy. He’s still not over it.”

            “He’ll forgive you. He’s your brother.”

            “I know he will. I just wish he would accept my decision.”

            “Give him time.”

            “Thing is, I don’t really have time.”

            “There’s always time, Dean. No matter what you’ve done, no matter whose forgiveness you need, in the end, making amends can only go so far. There’s no point in driving yourself mad with it. They forgive you or they don’t; the best you can do is be genuinely sorry.”

            “How’d you get so smart?” Dean said with a laugh, though the tears were threatening to spill from his eyes.

            “I made a lot more mistakes trying to fix things than I would have if I had just forgiven myself and trusted that others would forgive me. In the end, they did forgive me…for everything. I put myself and my friends through more pain than was necessary and I wish I hadn’t.”

            “I stand by my decision. I’ve made my peace with it. I haven’t made my peace with what it’s doing to Sam. Maybe that’s my problem.”

            “If you’re truly sorry, Sam will forgive you. I must leave now. It has been nice talking to you.”

            “Yeah, man. You’ve got a great insight on these things.”

            “Would it be okay if I hugged you?”

            “Um…I guess so.”

            Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean like he didn’t want to let him go. He knew what Dean would go through in the coming years and he wanted to lend him some of the same support Dean had given him in that time. He only had a few more minutes to linger here, to say goodbye to this version of Dean and find a private place to pop back to his own time. He knew he couldn’t change what happened—during the apocalypse, with the leviathan, in purgatory—but he knew that it was Dean who had gotten him through it all, and this was his way of saying “thank you.”


End file.
